today i’m feeling particularly negative about things. things meaning financial problems. it seems like i just can’t get ahead and i haven’t had extra spending money in months. because of this, i’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s silly for me to complain about this because there are people who don’t have 1/4 of what i have. a car, job, home. i need to be thankful! over and over. it’s easy to get sucked into money-crap but i’m trying not to.

as of right now i’m sitting on my couch, ripping music onto my macbook. i got a stack of 8 cds yesterday at my favorite library. oh, and three dvds! one being Son Of Rambow. which was fantastic and i recommend it for sure! i loved everything about it. the silliness, the french boy, the “common room”, the joy. anyways, about the library. i love going there and as i just mentioned, i really don’t have extra money to buy cds or rent movies so the library is such a wonderful place to go. i feel like if people would actually think about what they could do, the shelves would constantly be empty. it’s such a great, magical thing. you can go there and take anything you want! for free!

i need to change out of these pajamas and bake some chocolate chip cookies.

as of right now i’m lounging around in my bed, being a super lazytron and listening to the rain drops outside my window. last night i took tylenol pm again because i had a headache. but also because i love that feeling of being so tired you can just collapse into bed and fall asleep. that doesn’t happen very often to me. it could be the fact that my dad has suffered with insomnia a great portion of his life. anyways, i slept great but had weird dreams all night. sleeping aids normally have the effect on me. i woke up this morning to see that it was rainy, dreary and gray outside. sometimes this might put a damper on my spirit but most of the time, it makes me feel comfortable. makes me want to stay inside and create. i have off work today so i don’t have any obligations other than dropping my car off to get an oil change and to eat dinner with jared. i love days like this.

looking forward to:
* my boy taking me out to dinner tonight. we’re going to macaroni grille, one of my favorite restaurants. i’m hoping to eat lots of crusty bread and yummy pasta!
* this weekend is Cabin Weekend. my aunt & uncle own a little cabin close to their house that they rent out to people who like mini vacations. it’s surrounded by trees, in front of a lake, and even though it’s about a minute from my house, it still feels nice to be there. i designed their brochure so they offered a free weekend there as payment!
* next thursday is payday. i’ll have a little more hours on this paycheck than the last and i’m looking forward to paying things off that i couldn’t have before.

a bit boring but that’s ok.

i was tagged by mallory to do this little list thing.
8 random things about yourself.

1. ever since i was a child i’ve had problems handling criticism. even though it was supposed to “help” me improve my work. (whether it be photography or graphic design) it’s something i’m trying to change about myself if i want to continue doing freelance design work.

2. i find comfort in the fact that most people have a certain smell. i also like the smell of patchouli, burnt matches, books and clove cigarettes.

3. i sometimes try to control things around me by doing inane things. it may be slight ocd. whatever it is, it’s annoying and i wish it would magically go away.

4. i absolutely love to dance. i can’t remember a time where i’ve been ready to stop. i know it sounds cheesy but it makes me feet alive. i probably look ridiculous while doing this but who doesn’t look silly when they’re dancing? one of the happiest moments i can remember was at a dan deacon show in cleveland. everybody was sweaty and close and dancing. nothing could have broken my happy feeling that evening.

5. i’d really like to get back into the routine of eating healthy and exercising. for a few months i was doing really great but the routine fell through and i haven’t been able to start back up. i’m thinking it would probably help me sleep better, improve my mood and just make me feel better overall.

6. it’s been over a year & a half since i’ve put out an issue of Stab Heart. (my zine) this is completely uncalled for. i think one of my problems is that i think about what people want to see/read too much. it’s my zine! i should put in whatever i please. maybe stab heart #10 will be full of lol cats!

7. i’m a firm believer in karma and the golden rule.

8. i think my mother is the most amazing, talented woman i know. and i’m not just saying that because she’s my mom. she’s so patient and kind with everybody that she meets. she somehow knows how to do everything you can possibly think of. make perfect bread & cookies & pies, sew quilts, fix doors, recreate almost anything from a restaurant. all in all, i love her so incredibly much and i wish she’d realize how great she is.

i’m not tagging anyone but i’d love for you to do this too!

i’ve loved making lists for as long as i can remember. i can’t exactly remember when, but for awhile i was doing something i called the “monday five”. i posted a little list of five things every monday on my livejournal. that faded out for some odd reason but my friend, gizaodecera told me she would like to see a come back! so i thought, yes of course! feel free to fill out my list topic in your journal each week! i’d also love suggestions for new list topics.

i hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

*edit*
chloe brought it to my attention that i forgot to put vitamin water on this list. i’m so sorry, vitamin water. you know i love you oh so very much. please forgive me.

i love how all of the photos look together. all the colors & textures.
my flickr favorites

a list of good things
° jared arrived home safely. not seeing him for a week was entirely too long.
° my grandma braiding & playing with my hair tonight. it was so comforting.
° homemade mashed potatoes, noodles and corn. oh, and homemade ice cream!
° brushing, flossing, mouth washing = lovely mouth!
° tiny envelopes for teeny tiny valentines.
° short naps that feel like they lasted hours.
° finding a few bags of tea in an envelope from a swap that i had forgotten about.
° watching re-runs 3rd rock from the sun. love love love it.

i woke up this morning around seven am shivering. i fell asleep without my pajama pants on because i like how this one certain blanket feels against my skin. maybe that’s weird, i don’t know. i have a thing with texture. sometimes good, sometimes bad. for example, i hate touching velvet. it’s really disgusting to me. anyways, due to having no pants on and it being twenty below zero outside, (yes, i know!) i was obviously cold. my room is very hard to heat and during the night i had turned off the space heater because it had been running non stop for a day and all i could imagine was it sparking and me waking up in the middle of a fire bed. not sure why i always think of those horrible situations. i was going to try to cover up more and turn on the heat again but i opted not to.

i knew my mom would be up because she always gets up at 5am or earlier even on her days off work. i went downstairs and crawled into her bed with oscar while she mopped and cleaned the kitchen. i felt like a little kid again and it was very comforting. needless to say i fell asleep right away in warm-blanket-mountain and had crazy dreams about being at this weird camp where a few people had things wrong with them. not deformities but super powers, but not good powers. i remember being scared..it seemed so real. the weird dreams probably occurred because of the sleeping pill i took last night. they’re known to do that to me. one thing i love about sleeping pills is that absolute exhausted yet relaxed feeling of sleepiness that you get. i love being so tired that i can lay down and immediately fall asleep. that doesn’t happen often. now just in case you think i’m addicted to sleeping pills, i’m not. i, on average, take about two every month.

today i feel making things. it’s a sad thing that i have to leave for work in about thirty minutes. i’d really like to add some goods to my etsy shop because it’s looking pretty sparse right now. here are some things i’d like to sell:

1. cute pillowcases (maybe with personalized monograms!)
2. wallets
3. more zines, which means i need to make more!
4. valentines, although it’s too late for that at this point.
5. homemade envelopes.

ok, i really need to get ready for work now.